Fairy Lights
by Mina33
Summary: Fred and George arrive at Hogwarts their seventh year to find everything has gone wrong. Their beloved headmaster, Dumbledore is gone, and instead, the greatest horror ever presented to them has taken his place. Not for the squeamish.
1. Default Chapter

Author's Note: This is dedicated to Maddy, who I would gladly wear a love smock for!!  
  
Fairy Lights  
  
By Mina  
  
Chapter One: The Bird Lady  
  
'So, are you guys excited about our last year?'  
  
'Excited is a bit of an understatement, Angelina. We're simply thrilled.'  
  
'Thrilled is still too subtle, George. I think that euphoric is a better term.'  
  
'Jubilant—'  
  
'—Elated—'  
  
'—Psyched—'  
  
'—Over the moon—'  
  
'Nice,' complimented George.  
  
'OK, OK,' chuckled Angelina as she and the Weasley twins headed down to the great hall for their final start of term feast. 'I can't believe we're not going to be coming back next year,' she sighed.  
  
'Oh, upset, are we?' asked Fred, hopping down the steps of the marble staircase.  
  
'She's right, Fred—think of all the innocents we will no longer have influence on. They'll be stuck here—all year.'  
  
'True,' he replied as they entered the great hall.  
  
They were quite shocked to find the entire hall silent, still as if they were petrified, staring down at their plates.  
  
'What the—?' began George, but was interrupted by a very loud and forceful 'Shh!' that emanated from the other end of the room.  
  
Fred jumped back in alarm, treading on Angelina's foot. Instead of Albus Dumbledore sitting in the Headmaster's seat at the high table, there stood a tall, birdlike woman. She had a tall, puffy white cloud of hair curled at the top of her head, beady eyes hidden behind a beaklike nose, and thin lips hidden behind her finger as she silenced them.  
  
George looked to Ron and Harry, who were sitting like everyone else, hunched over their bare plates with their eyes closed.  
  
Suddenly four long, synthetic rings sounded like a signal for the end of class, and everyone looked up as if awakening from a spell. Some turned their eyes to Fred, George, and Angelina, others returned them to the bird lady, who pointed a finger at the three seventh years and said, in a very slurred, drawling voice that seemed to mix every British accent imaginable into one, 'Come he-yeh, children.'   
  
Exchanging looks, the trio headed to the high table, somehow drawn as if in a tractor beam to this odd witch wearing a spotted silk scarf tied in a knot around her neck, and a tailored emerald suit beneath her purple robes.  
  
They stopped in front of the table, looking at all of the professors, who wouldn't meet eyes with them.   
  
'What are yeh doing arrahvin' so late to dinnah?'  
  
'Er,' said George, not quite sure how to approach the creature. 'We got lost?'  
  
Several students laughed quietly at this, and the woman slammed her hand on the desk and shouted 'SILENCE!' in a drawl that would put Draco Malfoy to shame.  
  
'You're a little too old to be getting lost. What are you, sixth years?'  
  
'Seventh,' said Fred defensively.  
  
'Well, what are your names?'  
  
'What is your name?' asked Fred.  
  
'Yeah,' said Angelina, 'Where's Dumbledore?'  
  
'Speaking of which, where's McGonagall?'  
  
The Deputy Headmistress wasn't in her usual seat, and they were shocked to find her glaring at the woman from the end of the table next to Snape.  
  
The bird lady stared down at them. 'You will not speak back teh me, children,' said the woman. 'I am Headmistress Shirley, Professor Shirley, if you must.' She stared at Fred and George, leaning over the table to get a good look at them. 'Why do you two look alike?' she asked suspiciously.  
  
'Er, because we're twins,' said George, doubting whether or not this Shirley woman really was a professor.  
  
'I don't like your tone, boys. I meant, why are you dressed alike?'  
  
Fred and George looked at their black robes. 'These are our uniforms.'  
  
'You two are clearly in some sort of gang,' she said. 'Stop looking alike this instant!'  
  
Angelina's eyes grew large. What was going on?  
  
Professor Shirley was obviously growing impatient waiting on either Fred or George to morph into someone else, and she drew her wand back and popped it in front of George's face, and their was a loud pop as a thick cloud of bright red smoke enveloped his head. He coughed and fanned the smoke away with his hand, and Angelina gasped when she saw that his hair had turned black and his teeth were now square and very large. Several Slytherins laughed.  
  
'Sit down,' she said.  
  
Unable to speak, the trio fled to the Gryffindor table, surprised to find that all of the girls were on one side and the boys on the other.  
  
'What's going on?' whimpered Fred.  
  
They sat at the table forever, waiting for Professor Shirley to finish her long, drawn out speech. Harry managed to whisper to Fred and George that she'd arranged them all to sit boy/girl on each table with the flick of her wand, and led them in a minute of silence to think of all of the bad things they had done at Hogwarts the years previous. She was now going on about how behaviour at the school was now going to change, and that corporal punishment had now been approved by the Ministry. Filch cackled near the teacher's table and slapped a long, wooden paddle in his hand. Fred heard Harry gulp—it had a lightening bolt emblazoned upon it. 


	2. The Grass Fairies

Chapter Two: The Grass Fairies  
  
Fred and George skulked around the common room the next evening, something they hadn't been prone to doing after dinner. Their day had been horrible.  
  
Everyone in the castle was awakened at six to prepare for the day's events, whether or not they needed an hour to prepare for breakfast or not. The food in the great hall consisted no longer of bacon and waffles, flapjacks and porridge--the students were now force-fed some sort of mush that looked more like what came out instead of what goes in. Hermione conjectured that it was their normal breakfast blended together for efficiency reasons. Fred agreed with her, spooning through his mush and finding bits of bacon and toast crusts.   
  
Ron had eagerly been awaiting an owl concerning his lost wizard card, but the bell rang signalling the end of breakfast without the flutter of one wing.   
  
'Did you hear?' asked a third year Hufflepuff as Fred and George made their way to Transfiguration with Angelina and Lee Jordan, 'Owls aren't allowed in the Great Hall anymore!'  
  
Apparently it was for the students' own safety, according to Professor Shirley. The birds weren't sanitary, plus they could be delivering boxed curses to the students. Those were her reasons for hiring a board of owl screeners to examine each delivery carefully before sending it to the newly appointed delivery elves. Dobby had delivered a letter to George from Bill himself, looking very excited about his important new job. Fred and George were aghast, however, when they found that the picture their brother had sent had been tampered with. Bill's ponytail was gone, no earring hung from his ear, and he was wearing very simple blue robes.   
  
'This is insulting!' Ron cried whenever he saw the picture. 'Mum would be happy, though. She hates the way Bill dresses.'  
  
Fred and George were just happy that none of their classes had been drastically changed. Transfiguration was still incredibly difficult, Potions still foul as ever, and Charms was still taught by Professor Flitwick.  
  
'Thought he might be gang-related, too, I imagine,' said George, reading a book about charm reversal as he put a hand over his large, square teeth.  
  
When they walked into Defence Against the Dark Arts, however, they were greeted with a nasty surprise.  
  
'P-Professor Snape?' stuttered Katie Bell when she saw the sinister form of their potions teacher behind the desk at the head of the room. 'But, you teach potions.'  
  
'Only until the new potions master arrives,' said Snape. 'Though let it be known: I will always be *the* potions *master*.'  
  
Fred wanted to cry. If Snape started calling himself 'Big Stud' he was going to commit suicide.  
  
All in all, the day had been a disaster. Snape had developed a new confidence because of his finally landing the job of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, which didn't suit him very well. He went out and got a hair cut, started growing a goatee, and cracking insanely bad jokes during class.   
  
'If any of you can't spell Defence Against the Dark Arts, or are to lazy to do so, then abbreviate: DADA. Double D, Double A. Ooh, Double D, what would I do with that...'  
  
'Ugh,' commented Alicia Spinnet loudly as Snape stroked his chin.   
  
'This is absurd!' shouted Angelina as she left 'Double D, Double A' with Lee Jordan and the twins. 'Snape, Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher?'  
  
'Don't you mean Dah-Duh?' grumbled George as they stepped out onto the Hogwarts grounds.   
  
'Angie's right, we've got to do something. We can't let this Shirley woman get the best of this school!'  
  
'Ahem.'  
  
The four seventh years slowly turned around to find Professor Shirley herself, staring down at them all. Today she was sporting an orange tailored suit beneath dark blue robes, a polka-dot orange scarf tied neatly around her neck.  
  
'You're troddehn' on the grass,' she informed them.  
  
Fred looked down, finding that indeed they were standing on the greener part of the earth.   
  
'And?' said George.  
  
'You're troddehn' on mah feh-rees,' she told them with great annoyance.  
  
'Your what?'  
  
'Mah FEH-REES.'  
  
'But Miss, there aren't any fairies in...' began Lee.  
  
'GET OFF THE GRASS!' she shouted, and they all hopped onto the dirt path. 'Thehnk you.'   
  
And with that, she left.  
  
'Bloody fairies in the grass?' shouted George.  
  
'Well, there are if we stepped on them,' Fred pointed out.  
  
'Bloody hell, that *woman's* a freakin' fairy!' shouted George.   
  
'What are we going to do?' asked Angelina.  
  
'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!'  
  
Everyone outside froze as they heard the cry of pain.  
  
'What was that?' asked Angelina, clutching Fred's arm.   
  
'Someone probably saw George through the window,' said Fred. This earned him a punch in the arm. 'Ouch! Sorry, mate!'  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione appeared from inside the castle about a minute later, the Weasley of the trio rubbing his backside.  
  
'What's up, bro?' asked Fred and George.  
  
'Filch walloped me three times with that bloody paddle for stepping on Mrs. Norris' tail! I think I've got a lightning bolt imprint on my ass.'  
  
Hermione apparently couldn't suppress a giggle. 'He made him sign it and everything.'  
  
'That's it!' said George, throwing his 'Dah-Duh' book to the ground. 'No fairy-loving, scarf-sporting, bird-impersonating witch allows Snape to grow a goatee and Filch to blister my brother's ass! We've got to do something!'  
  
'But what?' asked Harry.  
  
'Find Dumbledore.' 


End file.
